Self Empowerment by Controlling Anger
Let’s start off with a story that interpret the danger of anger. Once there live a rich woman that is well known in high society for her benevolence who had a maid that was faithful and diligent. One day, out of curiosity, the maid decided to test her mistress to find out if she was honestly good by nature or if she was just putting a mask for the sake of appearance in her high society surroundings.
The following morning, the maid got off from her bed quite late at around afternoon time and the mistress scolded her for being late. The next day, the maid repeated the late rising again and this time round, the mistress burst into rage and struck the maid with a stick thus hurting her.
This new spread around the neighborhood and the rich woman lost not only her reputation but also a faithful servant.
Similarly, it is also reflected in this modern society, people are kind and modest when their surrounding conditions are good and satisfactory. But when conditions changed for the bad and become unfavorable, they will become irritated and filled with anger. Remember there is a saying, “When others are good, we can also be good. When others are evil, it is easy for us to become evil”. Anger is being described as an ugly and destructive emotion that all human mankind are subjected to in our daily life. It is a negative emotion that is hiding within us, waiting for the chance to flare up and take control of our life. It can be ignited by a flash of lightning that blinded us temporarily and causes us to act unreasonably. Uncontrolled anger can cause us a great deal of emotional and physical harm and we must learn to curb it.
Controlling Anger
A good method to control anger is to act as if the undesirable thoughts do not exist in our mind. By utilizing our will power, we focus our minds on positive things and thus eliminate the negative thought. It is difficult to react peacefully to someone who insults or humiliated us, even though our physical body is not harmed and find it almost impossible to reciprocate insults with courtesy and respect. But the test of character is how we deal with situations that are confronting us in our daily lives. Remember this, darkness cannot be dispelled by darkness but by brightness. In the same way, hatred cannot be overcome by hatred but by loving kindness.
There are 3 types of people in terms of anger management and we must strive to be the third kind.
The first type of people are like letters carved on a rock, because they easily give in to anger and retain the negative emotion for a very long time.
The second kind are like letter written in sand; they give way to anger also but the angry thoughts quickly passed on.
The third kind are like letter written in the wind; they let anger and negative emotion slipped by unnoticed, therefore their minds are always pure and undisturbed.
We must constantly train ourselves to observe and analyse our emotion when we are angry. By repeatedly practicing self analysis of our moods, we will gain greater confidence in being able to control ourselves and will not act foolishly or irrationally.
Posted in Anger Management Personal Development Personal Growth Self Help by .
Personal Development by Learning To Deal with Criticism
One’s thoughts and beliefs determine and shape his life, experience and situations. Just like mirrors, all men become like their own reflected mental images because thoughts can become things. They behold the reflection of their own character and inner thoughts. Until one realize that his own character is the effect of his own thoughts and beliefs, he will always remains as a victim of circumstances and being deprived of the journey free of ill will and intentions.
Let me share with you a story, once there is a monk and a scholar who did mediation together. After the mediation, the scholar asked the monk, “what did you see in me after this mediation?” and the monk reply, “I saw light above your head”. This make the scholar very elated and in return, the monk asked the scholar the same question and the scholar instantly replied, “I saw cow dung above your head” laughingly. Instead of getting angry, the monk laughed heartily and left.
Puzzled by the monk unpredictable reaction, the scholar went to seek his master for enlightenment. His master scolded him and said, ”The ugliness one sees in others is a direct reflection of his own nature.” With this moral of the story in our mind, we should not act hastily and project the image of unwholesomeness and hatred within himself on another innocent and unfortunate one. We should practice patience and must not criticize others too easily. We should view things from a bird eye view by putting ourselves in the other party’s position and try to understand the reason that give rise to an action.
Picking Faults in Others
It is always so easy to see the faults of the others but it is difficult to see your own flaws. We should not regard the fault of others, but instead we should constantly consider our own deeds of actions. By keeping this advice in our mind, it can help us better understand our own inner self and put a brake on the negative mental tendencies. Always keep a positive mindset. If one has a fault finding mind, one will see that even a egg has bones inside it. But why dwell on the flaws while we can enjoy the beauty? Everyone is different and definitely has faults so it is best to remember that no person is totally bad.
Things to take note when you are being criticized
When someone is angry with you, you should try to find out the cause of the problem. The problem could arise because of something which you might have done. If you discovered that you have made a mistake, be brave to admit it and apologize for your wrong action. It might also due to misunderstanding that caused the problem, so try to have a heart to heart talk with the other party and be willing to resolve the difference.
On the other hand, if the anger has arisen from the other party, you should not treat anger with anger because they will only increase more vengeance, instead we should overcome it with loving kindness.
We also should not be afraid of criticism and be strong to face it for our personal growth. Sweetness can cause sickness. Praise is sweet, but too much of it can cause one to be sick. Criticism can be like a bitter pill, although it can be a unpleasant experience but it can definitely do good to us. There are a good and bad side of criticism, so we must always see the good constructive side and welcome the opportunity for self improvement. We must restrain our ego and not harbour hatred against the critic.
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” ~ Winston Churchill
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment Self Help by .
Self Improvement by Gaining Control Over Your Moods
In our daily life, everyone is being influenced by their moods to some extent. We should try to better understand our moods in order to take control and by doing this, we can avoid doing things that we might regret in the future. At situations when we are under ceertain emotional stress, we should avoid or defer making important decisions.
When we are filled with anger or having a bad mood, we tends not to see or think clearly to come out with any wise or rational decisions. At the other extreme when we are happy and joyous, we tends to be more accomodating and less objective in our thinking. So any decisions being made during such periods are likely to be biased. Pause for a while, take some moments to allow your mind to calm down, analyse the problems and think them over because decisions made with a calm mind that is not influenced by mood will be less biased and better.
We can always verify our mood by looking into the mirror because our mood changes are reflected on our own faces. This action can act as a good way to cure ourselves of our ever changing moods. It makes us want to laugh when we see how silly we look with a sulky expression and in contrast when we smile, it has the impact of uplifting our spirits and create a joyous atmosphere. Our moods are always changing every now and then by the transiting mental states we are having, therefore we need to take control of it.
Imagine our body as being a bus and all these moods as the passengers. They are trying to get in the driver’s seat to take control of the steering wheel. What do you think will happen in such chaotic situation? Most likely, an accident or a crash will result in the end. This happening is related to most people in their life, if they do not know who to handle their changing moods, it tends to create an unstable character or undesirable result.
So what must you do? You must learn to reduce the number of passengers by dropping off at the stops along the way. Get rid of those negative and troublesome one, like anger, worry, greed, jealousy and others, this will eventually help you to gain control of the steering wheel and drive smoothly without any harmful distraction around. You will be the master of yourself.
Posted in Anger Management Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment Self Help by .
Self Improvement by Cultivating Skillful Speech
It is very important to regard our tongue as the servant and we are the master, the tongue will do our bidding, instead of commanding us. The tongue will have to say what we want to say, and not the opposite way. Unfortunately, for the majority of us, it is our tongue that is the master and we are the slave. We have to listen to what it speaks in our name and we seems to be too weak to stop it. The result of such lack of control is always disastrous and undesirable.
Some people are determined to observe silence after a terrible experience of wrong speech and they watch their tongue so that no unpleasing word slipped out from their mouth. But in this society, can we maintain silence all the time? Of course not, we cannot shun off problems either by talking or maintaining silence.
Once there lived a monk who had a very lazy attendant boy who would sleep late into the morning. One day, he woke the boy up and shouted at him, saying, “You are still sleeping! Even the tortoises are out of the pond, lying in the sun”. At this moment, a man who was trying to catch some tortoises to make soup for his mother overheard this conversation and he made his way to the pond. True enough, there were a lot of tortoises laying there in the sun. He captured some of the tortoises and managed to make the soup. But he has not forgotten about the monk that coincidently give him this advice, so he offer the monk some tortoise soup. The monk was struck with horror when he knew that his speech was responsible for the death of these innocent creatures and vowed not to speak again.
Few days later, while the monk was sitting by the pond, he saw a blind man heading towards the pond and he wanted to ask the blind man to stop walking but he recalled his vow of silence. While the monk was still struggling in his mind whether he should speak up, the blind man had already walked into the pond and was drenched wet. This incident made the monk feel very bad and he realized that one cannot live in this world simply by keeping silence or keep talking. We must utilize and make use of our common sense to survive in this world.
Remember the art of speaking, and that is, to speak gently and politely, not harshly or rudely. We must learn to speak at the right time, at the right place and at the right occasion if we wish to void conflicts or criticism.
Tell the truth, nothing but the truth. But be wise, if the truth that you are telling is unpleasant.
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment Self Help by .
Self Empowerment to Overcome The Cause of Jealousy – Selfishness
Now, you know the dangers of selfishness and it is the cause of jealousy, while jealousy nurtures selfishness.
Let’s begin by a story of a snake. Once the tail and the head of a snake quarreled and fought over who should be the leader. The tail said to the head: “You are always taking the lead, so unfair to me, you ought to give me lead sometimes.” The head instantly replied, “That is impossible because it is the law of nature that I should be the head taking the lead and I cannot swap with you”. The argument went on for days until one day, out of frustration, the tail fastened itself tightly to a sturdy tree. The head could not move on as the tail did not want to give way, so the head decided to let the tail take the lead. Unfortunately, the tail could not see where it is heading to and finally the snake fell into a pit of fire and perished.
There are some people out there who are never satisfied with their possessions and they are always jealous of those who have more than them. This negative thought of jealousy which they are harboring in their mind deprived them from enjoying what they have. Even if they have already done a great job in everyone’s eye, they are still not satisfied and worry that someone else has performed better than them. We should turn the table around and disperse this negative thought of jealousy counting the blessings rather than cultivating jealous thoughts.
The basic factor that drive jealousy is selfishness. When one become self-centered, he lives only for himself and regards the all others as his potential rivals. He will become envious of their success, possession and cannot tolerate their happiness. As a result, he will become totally unsociable and dangerous that will create many problems.
Upon knowing the danger of harboring jealousy, we should also how to deal with it. We can do it by devoting our time and energy to cultivate the positive thoughts of kindness and sympathy. We should think that there is nothing for us to lose when other makes progress or achieve success. Modesty should be cultivated, self-centered craving to be abandoned and we should develop joy upon seeing happiness of the others. On the other hand, we must have patience with others that are jealous with your success. We should think and check back if we have flaunted our achievements or did not act with humility. We should not get angry as anger does not solve problems but only aggravate the situation. It does not only hurt the other party, but it also hurt you.
We should always adopt such a positive mindset in order to attain a happy and contented life.
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment by .
Knowing the danger of selfishness empower you to gain personal growth
You must know the danger of selfishness because IT kills one’s personality and spiritual growth if you are unaware. A self centered and selfish lives only for himself. He does not know beauty of loving and respecting others, instead he stirred up arguments and quarrels over tiny little matters. All these factors will transform his life into an endless journey in unhappiness. He suspects others of being his rivals and is envious of their success and achievements. He cannot tolerate their happiness and it the end, he poisons his thoughts and pose a threat to the society.
In regardless whether one is wealthy or poor, a selfish man is always being controlled by the world’s worst curse, greed. He is never contented with what he possess. Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The world is enough for everyone’s needs, but never enough for one man’s greed“. If one is rich, he worries about his current possessions, like house, car and many others. He will always be thinking about making more money but never prepared to part with his money for a worthy cause. His mind will be at all times pre-occupied with thoughts of being robbed, kidnapped, cheats, death and many others. In contrast, if one is living in poverty, he suffers from not having enough so he is always longing for wealth. When he cannot obtain the wealth which he wants through honest means and hard work, he will resort to criminal ways to get his desires.
Selfishness is being developed by adopting wrong thoughts and also the failure to perceive the realities of life. It is a very destructive emotional force and if no actions have been put in place to reduce this negative emotion, it can cause suffering and misery. Thoughts are forces and selfishness is a powerful negative force that will bring along bad consequences. This is in accordance with the universal moral law, “What we sow is what we reap”, therefore pain and suffering are the results of negative thoughts, while happiness is the result of good thoughts.
Our thoughts dominated us and hence a hatred or grudge tears the one who harbours it. A strong feeling of resentment is just like a germ or virus that cause poor health and illness, so remember to stay positive and throw away hatred.
By knowing the danger of selfishness, we must then see the need to cultivate love and compassion. A happy and contented life can only achieved by overcoming selfishness and developing goodwill, understanding and benevolence. We should not pick on other’s weakness or mistakes and disregarding their good work and nature.
Nothing outside us can possibly cause an impact on us as much as what is taking place in our minds. It is a fact that “As a man think in his heart, so he is“.
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment by .
Empower Yourself by Getting and Staying Motivated
Have you ever set a goal (like slimming regime, business plan) at one point and find yourself losing motivation at the other? If you recall, in life, you will be facing this type of happenings numerous times because giving up or quitting has already been developed as a bad habit. Even the motivated of us, you or me, even the top life coach in town can feel unmotivated at times. We will get into a negative emotional state that even the thought of making positive changes gets difficult, but the good new is that we can overcome it with efforts and perseverance. We must adopt a “Never say Quit” attitude and apply the empowering tips being shared in this article.
5 Empowering Ways to Stay Motivated
1. Break it up
People tends to lose motivation and quit when they failed to reach their ultimate goal because they set big goal which can be overwhelming and exhausting. Goal is just like a jigsaw puzzle which you can break it out into tiny parts and match them bits by bits until you achieve the final complete picture. You should first set a realistic goal and break it apart into parts, take steps to achieve the sub goals and eventually, you will meet your desired goal.
2. Associate with Like Minded People
Stop hanging around with whiners who procrastinate AND stay connected with people who share the same goals. It will help you stay motivated by getting the help from like-minded friends. For example, if you want to quit smoking, you have to keep away from smokers.
3. Posting of Goal
You should print out your goal in BIG wording or even in picture format and paste it on the wall at home or work where you can see it everyday. This will set as a reminder for you and motivate you to work towards the goal.
4. Announce your goal publicly
No one like to look bad in front of others so if we commit our goal publicly, we tends to take the extra miles and effort to achieve it in order not to lose face.
5. Visualization helps
It helps to motivate you by visualizing the desired outcome and what you can enjoy from meeting the goal. Enjoying the feeling and always keep it in your mind at all times to keep you moving.
Staying motivated requires efforts to practice, but it is a skill that anyone can learn. You CAN change your life regardless where you currently are because you are the master of your life and the future is up to you!
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment Self Help by .
Self Improvement by Overcoming Worry
In this modern society, we are always being filled with negative energy like fear, stress, anxiety and worry. These energies will cause us to live in a tension and pressurized world and this is inescapable for anyone in the earth but the good news is that we can win over worry.
5 Empowering ways to win over worry
1. Use Distraction
Distraction works well when you have to wait and have the chance to worry for a short while, for example waiting for examination results. You can distract yourself by picking up a book to read or engross yourself in an awesome movie or TV show. This may keep your mind off worrying for this period and most importantly, you must choose something you will be engrossed in.
2. Do not face the worry alone
You can try to talk to or confide in someone that you trust and willing to lend you a listening ear or they can even give you some enlightening advices to your worry. Letting out off the worries is also a way to dissolve those negative thoughts and emotion, so that you will not feel worried irrationally.
3. Stay Present
”Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~Benjamin Franklin
By using the quote above, we should try to stay in our present time because we usually worry about potential events or situations in the future that may not happen at all, so this what we called “Worrying over nothing”.
4. Take a break and relax
You can take break by going for jog or ball game to get rejuvenated. This will help you to widen the distance between yourself and the worry that is weighing in your mind.
5. Stay positive
You will need to keep a positive mindset and try not to nurture negative thoughts in your mind. Negative thoughts and emotions tend to drain out your energy rapidly and will lead you to depression by over-worrying.
Learning how to win over worry is not just by reading the above methods but they usually require time and effort to take action and keep practicing until it get into your sub-conscious mind.
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment Self Help by .
Mar 11
20
Winning Argument Positively
Grow Yourself By Learning how to win argument in a positive way
There are always times in our life when we have differed in our opinions, thinkings and decisions with our people around us, like our loved ones, personal friends and colleagues at work. This is all how dis-agreement happens and argument comes along. We will really feel bad when we lose an argument or even we win one, so what the purpose of an argument seems not meaningful because it is a LOSE-LOSE situation. So the best way to win an argument is to avoid it.
When you have two ego people trapped in an argument, both sides will put up their defensive wall and put on their attacking gear to defend their own point of view and invade the other’s territory, it does hurts on their relationship and most likely, you will tend to have negative feeling with the other party, even time has passed, still remember the nail in the fence story? So to achieve a WIN-WIN situation, the best way is to AVOID argument at all costs.
But you may ask, “Why must I give in when I am correct and the other person is in the wrong?”
Stephen Covey talks about our paradigm, our way of looking at things. Each of us look at the world through our own glasses, and perceive the reality differently from others. So, it is quite natural that two people may differ about their view of the same thing. None of them is right or wrong, it is just a difference of paradigm.
It simply means that everyone has their own viewpoint of things and it is different from one another, so there is no right or wrong.
In summary, to win an argument positively is to avoid it totally.
Posted in Anger Management Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment by .
Mar 11
14
Indecisive Leads To Procrastination
Be Self Empowered To Overcome Procrastination Caused By Being Indecisive
There are many factors that can cause people to procrastinate and one critical one among them is being indecisive in your decision making. Many people simply use up too much time trying to figure out and making decision on the next step in the aspect of life, work, project and others. Although it is important to think thoroughly and make informed decision, but if too much time is spent wastefully on that, it can also cause you to procrastinate and delay you further in achieving your goals or targets that are being set.
In order to overcome procrastination because of being indecisive, here are some self empowering tips and tricks to be shared and practiced:
1. We must practice to set aside some time on a daily basis to ponder upon the purpose of making decision and also set a realistic timeline to complete the whole decision making process. By doing this, time is being utilized to the fullest and decision will be made in a more timely and effective manner.
2. In additional, stop stressing on being indecisive, just take a leap of faith and implement your decision. The result might turned out less than expected or wonderful, but at least you have already taken out the first step and you can learn from the result and evolve a new decision to make it better. If there is no first step taken, there is no feedback and you will be still at the same old spot procrastinating again.
3. We must also learn to consider each consequence and benefits (pro and cons) upon every single decision, quickly write down the consequences and measure the negative effects of the decision. Then choose the one that has the least negative impact and select the one with the most positive outcome.
4. Everyone tends to strive to be perfect in term of expectation but to aim to be perfect is also a factor that lead to indecisive and procrastination. Instead of striving for a perfect decision, that may be impossible, rather go for one that is sufficient or “good enough”.
5. Do not do it alone, you can choose to engage a trusted friend to brainstorm together with you, because 2 heads are better than one. They may have different insights or view which may help you in your decision making process.
In summary, just follow the world’s big brand, Nike slogan – “Just Do It” and stop procrastinating.
Posted in Personal Development Personal Growth Self Empowerment Self Help by .
